Confused about who to tip this holiday season? Here’s the No. 1 rule to follow

More than four in 10 people say they peruse the internet, social media or check with family and friends about what to tip, according to a recent Bankrate survey. Another 14% say they are flat-out confused on who to tip and how much to tip, the survey noted.

The only tipping rule you need to follow, according to etiquette experts

Here’s a tip on the holiday tips, according to etiquette experts: think less about the “rules” out there and think more about the ongoing relationships in your life that are worth a gesture and a gratuity.

“I really need to get clarity on who I need to be tipping and, if so, how much?” It’s the gripe etiquette expert Elaine Swann constantly hears.

“My recommendation is to put your money in the hands of the individuals who have made your life easier throughout the year, the folks who are mainstays in your life,” said Swann, founder of the Swann School of Protocol.

It’s the same point from Jacqueline Whitmore, founder and director of the Protocol School of Palm Beach. “Start with those who make your life or your family’s life a lot easier or more convenient,” Whitmore told MarketWatch.

Between the two experts, they listed people like building staff, baby sitters and child care workers, dog walkers, gardeners, hair dressers and so on.

But the “who” and the “how much” depend on the tip giver’s circumstances and their budget. “Start with a list and give what you can. I’m not saying to overindulge,” Whitmore said. Cards, homemade gifts, baked goods and other non-monetary tokens of gratitude fit the season’s spirit too, she said.

“If you’re feeling generous and festive, then go with it. But there’s no rule that says you have to tip everyone in your life, because we would all go broke,” Whitmore said.

Especially these days. Seven in 10 people (72%) said they feel like they’re expected to tip in more places now compared to five years ago, a Pew Research Center poll said last month.

As for guidelines on a tipping budget, Swann said one idea is determining your total holiday gift budget and then adding on another 10-20%. That little bit can be devoted to tip money.

But don’t fixate on hard-and-fast rules about amounts, Swann noted. It’s unneeded stress when people are trying to mind their wallets. “Don’t feel as though because you didn’t give a $100 tip, your gesture does not have value,” she said.

People are still tipping

Though they may feel that tip requests are coming at them from all directions, people aren’t acting like Ebenezer Scrooge.

Nearly six in 10 people say they’re either tipping about the same amount as last year or giving more, according to the Bankrate survey.

Some 44% of people say they are tipping the same as last year and another 15% say they are increasing their year-end tips. Meanwhile, 13% who say they are reducing their holiday-time tips.

Half of those with housekeepers, childcare providers and teachers for their children say they’ll tip the people working in these jobs. In three years of Bankrate polling on the topic, these are the three professions where people most commonly say they are doling out extra cash as a year-end “thank you.”

That makes sense if tips are supposed to thank the people who repeatedly make life easier, instead of tacking on an extra 15% for a speedy one-time transaction.

“I think it’s easier to complain about tip creep when you’re being prompted by an app or a checkout kiosk during a quick counter service transaction,” said Ted Rossman, Bankrate senior industry analyst. “Most people seem more likely to tip generously when they have a relationship with a service provider who they encounter regularly.”

Read also: ‘Low-paying jobs are the economy’s way of saying you should get a better job’: I’ve decided to stop tipping, except at restaurants. Am I wrong?

For whatever it’s worth, $50 was the median-sized tip for housekeepers and childcare providers in the Bankrate survey.

Holiday tips boil down to a personal “thank you” that shouldn’t bust budgets, Swann and Whitmore emphasize. But tipping guidelines can a helpful starting point for someone who’s completely unsure. Sometimes, it helps to know who shouldn’t be expecting a tip.

Who not to tip

Generally, cash tips to people in jobs like lawyers, teachers, doctors and nurses, law enforcement and government personnel are frowned upon. However well-meaning, the worry is a tip could seem like a bribe instead.

It could seem like a natural idea to tip a mail carrier. But postal workers actually aren’t allowed to accept cash, checks or gift cards in any amount, according to the U.S. Postal Service. A nominal gift — fruitcake or otherwise — is OK in the eyes of the U.S. Postal Service, which writes “carriers are permitted to accept a gift worth $20 or less from a customer per occasion, such as Christmas.”

There’s no need to reach for cash when other package carriers, like UPS drivers, are bringing gifts and packages.

“Our drivers are the highest paid in the industry, and while customers do offer tips or gratuities from time to time, we encourage our drivers to respectfully decline monetary gratuities,” said UPS
UPS,
+0.77%
spokesperson Karen Tomaszewski Hill. “If a customer is insistent, our drivers may accept a tip, but they don’t expect gratuities and appreciate any gesture of thanks.”

At Amazon
AMZN,
+1.61%,
a spokesperson noted drivers cannot accept cash tips though customers can choose to tip drivers who only deliver groceries. Customers can tip online, via the app when ordering, or after receiving groceries.

“Every year, around this time, we start talking about tipping and amounts,” Swann said. Take a deep breath and find what works for you, remembering that homemade offerings fit the bill too. “Anything handmade is typically done with love.”

By finding “thank you” amounts that are tailored to an individual budget “people feel empowered to give an extra tip as opposed to nothing at all.”